Attributed to: Arkansas ShutterBug
I’m beginning to learn that a woman’s outlook on life relies heavily on how her world is created within the home. Her foundation and relationship with her family will determine how she ventures off into the world. Will she sting men with her “I am independent-type attitude” because her father left the family to fend for themselves? Will she seek out emotional connections with any and everyone because she and mommy lacked that aspect of their relationship? In a nutshell, can she become successful in life?
I want to make this clear, because when I speak of success, I’m clearly not speaking of the materialism, solely. You can be successful in your career, bank account, and the other “things” everyone deems important, and still be a failure in your character, morals, values, etc, etc. What does your character look like? How do you cope with your emotions? Are you cold-hearted? Sharp-tongued? Emotionally unstable? Morally and ethically a nightmare?
I’m writing this because over the last couple of weeks, my eyes have opened to the dynamics of family. I believe that the chaos (of divorce and the absence of a parent) is really affecting key leaders, celebrities, the average human, etc. There is a child, stuck in their childhood, screaming and crying to be loved, to be taught, to be cared for; it all goes back to their foundation.
Although I speak of women, I know this applies to both man AND woman.
How was your foundation built?
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I totally agree Lakia! A great family foundation is key in creating people with character, integrity, and morals. In fact, “If we teach fathers how to love their families, we can change the world.” ~Lover of Words I am in the process of changing the legacy in my family. Instead of infidelity; I am giving love. Instead of divorce; I am giving commitment. Instead of neglect; I am raising my son. Children love to see their father love their mother. I am loving my wife and I am telling her that I love her. I am raising my son… changing diapers, and washing bottles. I am not being a stereotype, but I am kissing my son a thousand times, telling him I love him a million times, and allowing him to grow in the love of his father for a lifetime. I am a progenitor and I am raising fathers in my family from now. Awesome Blog… thank you for sharing!
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s great to see men stepping up to the plate and being the head of the household; it does make a HUGE difference. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I pray that you share with other young men as well.. we really need strong male role models in this world. Thank you!!!
This is right on time! This is the type of writing and questions that we need to ask! As a young woman, still “finding” my way, married, with 2 girls of my own, the foundation is critical. It’s the small things that nurture us: the time spent, the words exchanged, the birthday cards, lessons shared, etc. People are only as strong as the gems and seeds that have been planted inside of them. If a parent is missing, a piece is missing and the void will be filled one way or another. I’m still pulling roots, still cleansing, still pushing forward. But God has been and will continue to be good to me. The foundation must be rock solid, otherwise when the waves of life crash against us, we will find ourselves caught up. Keep doing you lady…loving the growth:)
I definitely think family dynamics play a role in the way people see society and therefore choose to live their lives. However, family dynamics do not have to determine one’s destiny. We can find it within ourselves and through God’s grace the ability to break certain cycles of negativity, abandonment and abuse in order to lead more successful lives.
For instance, my parents are a great example of this in terms of education. They are both the first individuals in their families to obtain college degrees. They were able to break that cycle in spite of obstacles society and people in their community threw at them.
I LOVE this post, I think we need to discuss this more rather than try to hide from things like this that continue to scar our families rather than learn from them and heal/grow.
This post is thought provoking.
Excellent Lakia! We often forget that this is a key in how we become who we are! So true!!!
Very true
@Charles, SAB, & Oxydizer- Thanks so much for your comment 🙂
@Rox- Absolutely correct. I am a product of a single parent home. What you said was right on target, “family dynamics do not have to determine one’s destiny”. In my mind, I am not a victim of those circumstances. Even when statistics say, “you should be pregnant, you should never graduate from college, you should be out on the streets”, I hang onto my mentality that I can make it. For a long time, though, I did walk around screaming, “Oh woe is me!” Until I got the revelation that I am who He says I am, and my identity is not a title, a statistic, a degree, or none of that. I have seen plenty of women make it. My dream is to see other young men and women of this generation make it out of their circumstances. I can’t wait to travel and spread this message…. If I can do this, you can too!!! Thanks for your comment Rox!
@Ms. Moe – Thanks so much for your comment. I don’t even know which sentence to put in here because all of them were on point. I love your story!! When you spoke about the small things that nurture us, I think we take those for granted. We think, “it’s just a birthday card, it’s just I love you, it’s just a ten minute phone call.” NO! It’s not small or little, not in a child’s eyes. I have seen so many broken women who have turned to drugs, alcohol, bad attitudes, etc., just because they weren’t able to have their mother or father give them 5 mins. of their time. But one thing, if we are able to get to the root, pull it up (as you have done), then we will see men and women healed from their past hurt, living happily in their present lives, and waiting for the future. Thanks for your comment Ms. Moe!
Exactly Lakia, we are who HE says we are not what society or even our own minds say. I too had statistics of teen pregnancy, STDs and crime embedded around me but my life is not based on statistics. And I agree since we both were able to make a difference in our own lives we do have a responsibility to help the young women and men make similar positive changes in their own lives.
Lakia, what you say is not only true but you’re lucky to have realized the goodness in family values. Your family – and good friends- are your treasures given by God. What’s a tree without it’s roots? Just one call saying “Hello! How are you doing?” is enough. It goes a long way in making a person happy and in turn we build friends. Believe me, with friends and family around your half the battle of life is won. Loneliness comes out of selfishness and selfishness is the bowl of mental disease.
It can be an uncle, an aunt, some cousin, grandma, grandpa, your school or college buddy…they are all there. It just takes a finger to call up. There you have a treasure chest worth more than the billions we can dream of. Including tons of blessings.
By recognizing the simple fact that the past does not have to influence the future, anyone can step up to find better challenges. Great post.
@notesxyz – Family or we’re lost. Choose.
@oxydizer – I like what you said, “What’s a tree without its roots?” If you don’t have any, then you’re tumbling over when the slightest breeze comes your way. Thanks for sharing.
@notesfromrumbleycage- thanks for your insight. It’s not where you came from, but where you’re going. The past is only to be reflected on to keep fueled just enough to reach your goals. I don’t think anyone should think of themselves as a victim.
@Roxanne—Glad to see another passionate woman speak out!! I’m looking forward to hearing more from you soon!
Thanks everyone for such great feedback!!
Thanks and likewise! It’s always nice to find another young person as passionate about empowering youth as I am. I think we should definitely find a way to work together and partner up.